digitalbodies (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
digitalbodies) wrote2024-10-16 09:54 pm
digitalbodies) wrote2024-10-16 09:54 pm
Magnolia
The winter cold has begun to set in, and I find myself filled with longing once again. There’s something about the later months that stirs this overwhelming feeling in me. When the summer and spring are around, I can lose myself in the waking moments. I can stretch my limbs out on the floor, feeling the heat tickle the skin of my toes, and everything feels so sublime. Just a simple walk to the store feels rejuvenating, and the sunlight fills me with a sense of love and connection to all of creation.
Now it’s dark before I know it, and heating prices are still going up so the apartment is perpetually chilly. When I take a smoke break at my kitchen job, I can barely see past the neighboring buildings. Everything feels so closed in, and we all hide in the boxes we’ve built for ourselves. This feeling isn’t negative, necessarily. I still feel joy and wonder, and I still try to be kind to others. The quiet streets filled with snow have their own beauty, if you can see it. There’s just a sense of melancholy tinging it all.
I find myself dreaming of being in a relationship again, of the excitement in getting to know each other and first dates. But I’m not looking for love; I’m open to it but I don’t crave it. I don’t feel lonely either; I spend time with my friends most days. There’s just...a sense of isolation, even when I’m among loved ones. The absence of sunlight makes it physically apparent, the boundary between your life and the rest of the world. Loved ones are lovely, but when someone becomes that close, they enter your box. They’re no longer a part of the world at large.
I haven’t made a new connection in a long time, and there’s a feeling that I’ve ceased to exist outside of my box. I’ve been longing to meet someone again, for the early stages of a relationship. I want to get to know someone, to marvel at the beauty of a life that existed outside of me until now. My last date was several months ago, with a girl that I had been crushing on for a long time. We’ve drifted apart since, but I enjoyed the days we spent together. It’s still beautiful to me, that I got to know such an interesting person, and that we got to share a moment of intimacy. I remember holding her hand and tracing the events that had brought us to that one night, frozen in time.
Now it’s dark before I know it, and heating prices are still going up so the apartment is perpetually chilly. When I take a smoke break at my kitchen job, I can barely see past the neighboring buildings. Everything feels so closed in, and we all hide in the boxes we’ve built for ourselves. This feeling isn’t negative, necessarily. I still feel joy and wonder, and I still try to be kind to others. The quiet streets filled with snow have their own beauty, if you can see it. There’s just a sense of melancholy tinging it all.
I find myself dreaming of being in a relationship again, of the excitement in getting to know each other and first dates. But I’m not looking for love; I’m open to it but I don’t crave it. I don’t feel lonely either; I spend time with my friends most days. There’s just...a sense of isolation, even when I’m among loved ones. The absence of sunlight makes it physically apparent, the boundary between your life and the rest of the world. Loved ones are lovely, but when someone becomes that close, they enter your box. They’re no longer a part of the world at large.
I haven’t made a new connection in a long time, and there’s a feeling that I’ve ceased to exist outside of my box. I’ve been longing to meet someone again, for the early stages of a relationship. I want to get to know someone, to marvel at the beauty of a life that existed outside of me until now. My last date was several months ago, with a girl that I had been crushing on for a long time. We’ve drifted apart since, but I enjoyed the days we spent together. It’s still beautiful to me, that I got to know such an interesting person, and that we got to share a moment of intimacy. I remember holding her hand and tracing the events that had brought us to that one night, frozen in time.
no subject
I hope you meet someone to share new memories, with your gentle heart.