Reading

14

Spend more time looking into nooks and sliding yourself into crannies. Think harder about hearing the air in your ears when sound isn't waving it. Imagine each point of contact between your soles and the carpeted floor.

Do you remember standing outside when it was snowing? It was the biggest, pillowiest, most voluptuous lack

I wonder if I've overstayed my welcome a little. I must be an after-hours customer by now. Thinking about checking out my items...

Local Weather

You are in fingertips wrinkled by water
but how is that so?

You travel in places I've walked
and more by letting go.

How can one miss somewhere they've never been
yet believe they know?

underground

again the station coreography
the transference of souls from north to south
the veins that circulate the city
the bitter wind that blows us all

today i heard the train was late
because someone had fallen down
lost and dazed they jumped with haste
to find the meaning of it all

i stare at a stranger's eyes
through our reflections on the window
we run the walls of the tunnels
and get pierced by all the lights
since it's the early hours of the night
cold sweat runs our feet in trunnels

i try to guess where they will leave us
and disappear forevermore
the next station approaches fast
but they remain in such a bore
that i guess they've a long way to go
they must endure it more and more

someone plays the violin
but i'm too distracted to notice
someone shouts they're dying slowly
but i'm too distracted to notice

the doors open and close
new lights flicker on the map
and we go through curves, we go through ramps
i just fiddle with my bag strap

some places make me really scared
they're full of ruins and dangerous at night
and as we cross underneath their grounds
i feel the urge to close my eyes
i feel like i'm afraid to die

lost eyes, tattoos, bicycles
prams, old men, haircuts
foul smelling, beautiful, loud
alternative, giddy, asleep
dark skin, light skin, backpacks
beggars, workers, children
far-sighted, thin, athletic
strange, depressed, unremarkable

sometimes living is not in the new
in some distant lands full of money and light
living is finding in the ways of everyday
things that never truly crossed our sight
in train tracks and tunnels that open up to show us
the ugly beauty of the cityscape at night
in comparing the boots and shoes of all these strangers
and trying to decide which is the one i really like
in hearing the announcement of a station
i remember visiting all those years ago
and letting a memory take over contemplation
trying to escape the harsh words of foucault
by creating a world outside of control
inside this nasty day by day
that keeps on wearing out our souls

there might really be no love in SP
but i think that what remains is hope...

Rebuilding journal search again

We're having to rebuild the search server again (previously, previously). It will take a few days to reindex all the content.

Meanwhile search services should be running, but probably returning no results or incomplete results for most queries.

Hope

I'm supposed to start volunteering in the ER by late July. Honestly, I'm excited but also a little nervous. It has been almost eight years since I've been in that environment and being a bit older makes me a little unsure of myself. Oddly enough, I especially want to make those who are gone from my life, proud of me. I guess it is a way of honoring them (since words are no longer possible) by doing my very best.

This simple little tune in its words -- reminds me and describes love lost, love kept, my weaknesses, my fears, hopes and failures and so many things I tried to be but couldn't or didn't always. It is both good and very hard for me.

Watch on YouTube

* * *

Gardening Tips

In each unspoken sound and every unwritten word
the preponderance of unreckoned silence is deafening
I may not see the shadows that encumber your heart
(during your everyday life)
or a grow a garden tomato from one of your vines
yet the same sun that brings such consternation,
equally brings warmth, desire, joy and hope.

* * *

Remember, Red. Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things and no good thing ever dies. I will be hoping that this letter finds you, and finds you well. Your friend, Andy.
~ From: Shawshank Redemption, excerpt from "Andy's" letter to "Red"